God Is Here

I had planned to send an e-mail to the leadership group of my church’s worship team about this morning, then just copy it over here and call it good enough. I’ve decided, though, that it’s not good enough. I want to say more than what I wrote there.

Last week was pretty awful, when it comes down to it. On Monday, my son (the 11-year-old known as Tickle) was badly bullied in school. Specifically, two kids wrapped him in a jump rope and pulled him over, and tried dragging him for a few feet. I would still like to know where the teacher was when this was happening, but that’s a different story.

I found out about this incident on Tuesday evening. I only found out, by the way, because my father teaches at the school. My ex-wife apparently didn’t feel that I needed to know about this kind of thing. Apparently, she doesn’t think that my joint legal custody counts for much. Sigh …

So, I had to fire off another one of those confrontational e-mails reminding her of my rights and her obligations. In any case, I got that to a point at which it was moving along.

Then came Wednesday. When I picked my wife up from work, she wasn’t feeling well. She decided to go home instead of to church (Wednesday was our church’s Communion service). I went on to church, partly because I was supposed to run the projection system. We thought that she’d be okay.

Just before the service began, she called to say she felt like she was having a miscarriage. We had only just found out that she was pregnant … we’d told virtually no one at this point. I told my worship minister, who told me to leave. I went home, took her to the hospital, and we confirmed it … we’d lost the baby.

The last few days have just been full of pain and loss. Sometimes we feel okay, other times one or both of us will just break down into tears. We told the boys about it Saturday evening when I picked them up, and we had a bit of mourning.

And then came Sunday.

This, to be honest, was one of those Sundays when I didn’t really have my heart in a worshipful place when I stepped in the door. But those are the times when God, through His love, takes that extra step to make sure that I notice Him.

We were doing a new song for the first time, “He Is Here” by Nick Robertson, et. al.. Bear in mind, I haven’t seen these lyrics before I shot them on the screen this morning as the service began:

Maybe you come
With joy in your hearts
Blessings and praise on your lips
Maybe you come
With pain in your soul
Silence and questions and tears

Roughly speaking, I think that this just about translates to God reminding me, “You know I’m speaking to you, no matter what mood you’re in. So listen!”

If the pastor had known what I was going to need as he planned the service, I don’t think he could have done better. Everything was a reminder that God is present in suffering, pain, and heartache. This is stuff that I know in my head, but it’s sometimes hard to remember when it comes down to applying it to day-to-day life.

Still, there He was. When I stopped putting up walls, I found His presence right there where it’s always been. I felt His arms around me, holding me again while I just cried my way through the service. I’m reminded of Psalm 121(NIV; Courtesy of BibleGateway.com) …

Psalm 121

A song of ascents.

1 I lift up my eyes to the hills—
where does my help come from?2 My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.

3 He will not let your foot slip—
he who watches over you will not slumber;

4 indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.

5 The LORD watches over you—
the LORD is your shade at your right hand;

6 the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.

7 The LORD will keep you from all harm—
he will watch over your life;

8 the LORD will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.

Verse 3 says that God will not let my foot slip … not just the greater promises about protecting me and watching over me, but that He won’t so much as let my foot slip. He might well let some terrible things happen, but He is always with me. He’s always here, watching out for all of us who love Him.

That isn’t always easy to remember. But that’s why He puts so many reminders for us. And that’s why sometimes, when we really need it, He smacks us in the gut and makes us cry our way through worship services.

Our God is good … and our God is here.